sunset walk...

Marley and I managed to sneak out of the house last night for a stroll around the lake that is in our back-yard.  More nature preserve/pond.  Less lake.  But it's about 1 mile around and the perfect little adventure for a 4 year old.  It feels like Riverbend Nature Center (for all my Faribault friends) nestled in the city...and I love it.

 
Travis coerced Jax to play "shoot the monsters" in his bedroom and off we went...sometimes the girls need a little alone time.  Bella had to come too.  I mean, she is one of the girls after-all.  After being cooped up all winter LONG (emphasis on the long), it felt good to get out and do a little sight-seeing in the neighborhood.  The ducks were swimming.  Kids were playing.  And we were strolling...

It was the first time that I felt like, wow, we are having a real life, big kid conversation.  I'm all HERE.  Marley looks free...she was happy to walk slowly with me.  To stop to re-adjust Bella in her stroller.  To race (mama cannot win)!  I let her pick the paths we'd walk on and she stopped to sit on every big rock she laid eyes on.  Then she asked if she could pick up some rocks to bring home for her brother...

We had a conversation about how we had slept on the floor of her bedroom the night before.  It went something like this...

Me:  Sleeping on the floor probably wasn't a good decision.  I didn't sleep that well.
Mars:  Yea...sleeping on the ground is not good.  We should have stayed in the big bed.
Me:  I know.  But you didn't feel good and I didn't want to wake up Jax and Daddy. 
Mars:  Mama, that was my bad decision then.  I'm sorry.  I asked you to come sleep in my room with me.

Heart melts.

She just blows me away with how grown up she is.  As much as I refer to her as my crazy little girl...because she is silly and funny and sometimes nuts...she is a cuddly little lover of a girl, who loves sunglasses and rainboots and lipgloss and her mama.....and Spider-man too.

Enough babbling...just thinking how last night was the perfect reminder to slow down and enjoy what you have.  Slow.  Down.  Do it.  You don't need to have your kids signed up for every activity known to man and race from place to place all day, every day.  Stressful for you = stressful for your kids.

My mission this summer is to s l o w  d o w n.  What's yours??

XO!!

a work in progress...

I realize it has been about 6 months since my last blog post.  Which happens to coincide with the fact that it has been just over 6 months since Trav's brother passed away...and well, you know, time got away from me.  Returning to the grind of normal, every day life, had me searching for more...more of what?  I wasn't quite sure.  More hope.  More love.  More patience.  More quiet moments to just sit in my own thoughts.  More strength to "mother on"...in the depths of the storm and sadness and life that just doesn't ever slow down.  More God...

More God was exactly what I needed in my life.  I didn't need Him to GIVE me things...material things and the like.  I needed Him to sit quietly with me in a dark room as I rocked Jax back to sleep for the 100th time in the middle of the night.  I needed Him to reassure me that everything would be ok.  And that if it wasn't ok, to teach me that this is all a part of His plan anyway.  I needed Him to guide me in raising my children with as much love that I possibly can.  To guide me through my most difficult days of motherhood and to let me know that I'm doing alright.  I needed Him for a million different reasons and when I opened up to let Him in, He has never once failed me.

I started following a website/blog called SheReadsTruth.  It is an online community of (mostly) women who come to their page daily to read God's word.  I'd say it's an online Bible Study, but in a very beautiful, easy-to-follow format.  One of the verses we studied this week was Joshua 1:9 and it could not be more perfect for how I'm feeling.

"Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be frightened and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

How much better do you feel having read that?  I mean, to KNOW that He is with you wherever you go.  Hard times.  Through tears.  And laughs.  And heartbreak.  Through your birth and your death.  I think it's pretty cool.  And it makes me happy to know that God always has my back...because I certainly can't do all that I do without Him.

I'm not trying to sound like I've gone for a ride on the Bible banging crazy train...but you know what?  There is no harm in letting Him in to your life.  Since I have put more of my trust in Him, I've been a happier mama.  I've had more patience.  I've kept my "reactions" in check because my mind is turned to Him and He is LOVE!  So that is exactly what I want to be...especially for my kids!  And it's baby steps...I started talking to Him more.  Believing in Him more.  Giving Him my problems.  Attending worship services.  And this blog/bible study thing over at SheReadsTruth is honestly eye-opening.  Really because it helps me so much to actually UNDERSTAND what it written in the Bible.  To put names to the stories and to be led through guided prayer...because let's face it...prayer and meditation and confession don't come easily to everyone.  They don't come easily to me.

So...I've been working the last 6 months at being a better person.  Letting go of things that I just can't control.  Realizing that kids will be kids.  Striving to always put the work in to my marriage and not get sucked in to the quick-sand that is parenthood!  We've been BUSY!

We celebrated the kids birthdays in December (Jax) and January (Marley)...we got away to Mexico for a week in February (just me and Travis)...and we've made significant progress on the basement remodel, slated to be complete by fall!  Just picking away at this little house of ours...

Wishing you all a happy weekend!  Snow is melting.  Sun is shining!  Life is good!

XO!

Stevie

Catching Up...

It's an understatement to say I love, love, LOVE the return of fall.  The golden sky, the cooler temperatures, bright leaves swirling in the air...it's dreamy, I tell ya.

I've been feeling inundated with LIFE.  What else is new, right?  I sound like a broken record.  But every once in a while, I can't keep all the balls in the air in this juggling game that is my reality and things come crashing down.  Something always has to give.  At the present moment, Travis has been working really long hours...so this leaves me to manage daycare/preschool drop-off and pick-up by myself each day.  Typing that out sounds far less dramatic than it really is...add in all of this Minneapolis road construction, a job that I have to make it to in a timely fashion, and kids that are less than cooperative...I'm very slowly losing my marbles!  So, we're down to making sure I'm covering the bare necessities.  Get my kids to school/daycare in the morning.  Check.  Get myself to work on time.  Sometimes check.  Pick the kids up.  Check.  Feed kids.  Check.  And that's about it, folks.  My house needs a good deep-cleaning.  I desperately need to get back on track with my work-outs.  You know, for my mental health.  I have 4 piles of clean/folded laundry on the floor in my bedroom that I've been living out of...classy, I know.  But it's how we do it these days.  Gettin' by.  Sigh...

That being said, life is good.  It's been a tough year...but we made it this far and it's only going up from here, I'm sure.  October 6th marked one month since Trav's brother passed away.  One month of not being able to see or talk to or laugh with Jesse.  Heartbreaking.  Still.  My birthday was a hard day...see, Jesse was always an early riser and he was typically the 1st person to call or text me, wishing me a great day.  And it was just sad knowing that I wouldn't be getting to talk to him that day.  I still have the last text message he sent me on my phone.  I can't bring myself to delete it because, I don't know, it just seems so final.  I like seeing his name there, even though that text message was sent to me on May 30th....and he just slipped away from there.

   
I went up to visit him alone on Wednesday, September 4th because I just knew I needed to "have my moment with him"...you know, the moment you don't want to have with anyone.  Where you tell them how much you love them and you hold their hand and you let them know how much they mean to you and how much you are going to miss them.  I'd been holding back from saying what I wanted to say to Jesse because I didn't want him to think I was giving up on him.  But that week was different and we knew our time with him was short.  So I went there and I sat alone with him.  I held his hand and just sat there and listened to him breathe.  I tried to hide the tears that were streaming down my face.  One of the nurses came in and I helped feed him a few bites of pudding.  By this time, he was having difficulty swallowing, so a spoonful of pudding was challenging for him to get down.  I fed him a few "bites" of his water...liquids were no longer being given because he could aspirate, so he had this gel/water mixture.  He got tired fast and so we turned the lights down again and I sat on his bed by him.  His eyes were closed, but he could open one of them just a little bit.  And so I told him everything I wanted to tell him...and I told him how he was the best uncle ever and how Marley and Jax were going to miss him so much.  I said, "Jesse, will you promise me one thing?"  And he looked at me. I asked him, "Will you promise that you will ALWAYS watch over Marley and Jax for me.  That you'll keep them safe?"  His eyes opened, he squeezed my hand, and he shook his head yes.  Ahhhhhhh.................when I left, I kissed him and told him that I loved him and that I'd see him soon.

The next evening, Travis picked his mom up from hospice so we could all go for a walk together.  He told Jesse how much he loved him and said, "Sweet dreams, buddy.  See you tomorrow."  And Jesse passed away in his sleep at 3am that evening.  I like to think that Jesse felt as though everything was "buttoned up"...he knew his mom was going to be taken care of, he knew how much he meant to Marley and Jax and that his purpose in Heaven was going to be important. He was finally READY to go...

Crazy as it is, life just moves on.  We keep plugging away.  Thankfully, the kids keep us busy and happy (sometimes crazy happy) and they are constant reminders of all that is so good about this life.  Marley is thoroughly enjoying preschool at Blessed Trinity.  She's learning so much and is spunky as ever.  Greets all of her "friends" by name when they leave each day and loves all of her teachers.

 
Jax is in the throes of TANTRUMVILLE.......aaagggghhhhh!  When will it end????  He's still a mama's boy and he's super verbal, insisting on doing everything by himself.  "No, I do it...." is all I hear now-a-days.  I guess I kind of forgot what it's like to have a 2 year old!

Ok...quite the meandering blog post there.  But hey, when I'm feeling frazzled, I usually take to writing as an escape.  And so there you have it! 

Wishing you all a lovely fall weekend!

XO!

Stevie

The (not so) Peaceful Weekend...

Let me start by apologizing for claiming that there is a pause button on life...in my last post, I wrote that we were going to be "pressing pause" on life and enjoying our sweet little family this past weekend up North.  There is no pause button.  Nope.  It doesn't exist.  And so, I need a vacation to rest up after that "fun little weekend with my family"...

We were going, going, going all weekend long in 17 different directions and anything that *could* go awry did.  Psssshhhh.  We drove up in what seemed to be prime holiday weekend type traffic.  The kids never fell asleep (and they both needed naps).  I somehow got stuck in the pilot seat, for whatever reason.  And those little people in back talked and talked louder and screamed the entire car ride.  Where is the mute button??  The most enjoyable part of my entire weekend happened Friday night after the nut jobs finally went to bed and I drank almost an entire bottle of wine by myself.  I needed that. 

Marley woke me from my wine-induced slumber at 5:45am and we were UP FOR THE DAY!  Relaxing on the couch, watching some cartoons...as I made a pot of coffee and wondered how long it would take for me to drink all 10 cups.  Oy vey!  The *good* part about life with kids is that you are up early and you don't just waste the day away.  I very much appreciated our little people when we were able to convince daddy at 8:30am that it was TIME to go out on a morning boat cruise.  We packed up our gear and headed down to the oh-so-peaceful lake.

 
But let's face it...the kids hate their life jackets, they hate the confines of the boat, they are curious about the water and want to be all "bodies flopping over the edge" to the point that this mama is near heart attack.  And that...that right there is not relaxing for me.  No pause button needed.  Fast forward to dry land please.

 
Near nap time brought more battles.  No one wants to eat lunch.  No one wants to sleep.  A certain someone has decided her new favorite thing to do when little brother won't share toys is to attack his eyeballs.  Literally.  Like I fear she will gouge them out one day.  But finally they do sleep...and Travis and I are able to squeeze in a very quick bite to eat and then they are up again.  One hour long naps just don't cut it...didn't they get the memo?

And as if we weren't already losing our minds, we decided to take the kids back down to the lake after naps...keep them occupied and get a little sun.  I can't say we didn't have fun...Marley was a little sweetheart, jumping off the dock with me and swimming on her own to shore (with life jacket on).  She was having lots of fun and Jax was loving the water too.

 Life was feeling good...so why not, why not take the kids on another boat ride to see the sights?  We all hopped in to the boat (swimsuits and towels) and started off on our cruise.  About a 20 minutes later, as we're getting ready to turn for home, the boat just quits.  We're about 1 mile from the cabin via shoreline, more from the lake road.  There weren't a whole lot of boats out, so no one  was around to HELP US!  And we had no oars.  Just us.  We drifted to a marshy spot that had a little beach we could pull the boat up to.  It was just one of those "f'in seriously this is really happening" moments.  Marley was the only one that had flip flops in the boat.  The rest of us were all barefooted and in swimsuits.  I grabbed Jax and plopped him on my hip and we were off...up the trail to the lake road to begin the almost 2 mile walk to the cabin...on the dirt/gravel road.  Joy!  About 1/2 way in, Travis offered to take Jax and whew...did it feel good to get a break from carrying an extra 30lbs.  But as soon as I handed off his sweet little self, I had Marley looking at me..."Mama, I'm getting tired.  Can you carry me?"  Now this is love...as I loaded my 36lb girl up on my shoulders and continued the shoeless walk home.

**What was really heroic, was daddy.  He took the paddle boat all the way out to our stranded boat.  He tied a rope to it.  And he paddled with all his might...the whole entire way back to the cabin.  Seriously superman.  When he returned, all he said was, "My legs are burning!"** 

I'm certainly not meaning to sound as if the whole weekend was a bust.  Just challenging and it didn't really live up to what I thought it would be.  I had hopes for lots of relaxation and peacefulness and longer naps...and as I read what I'm writing, I understand that sounds a bit delusional!  I love my babies.  That's for sure.  And I always love spending extra time with them...quality time.

 The weekend proved to us one thing, in particular.  The kids are too young to go on a week long family adventure (say to Florida, for example, like we have been tentatively planning).  For starters, it wouldn't be very enjoyable for any of us.  I mean, for real.  They'd be out of their element and out of their routine.  And we'd be going crazy trying to manage all that.  Plus, forking out a bunch of money for a trip that ends up being as far from relaxing as it can get is just not something I'm too keen on doing at the moment.  Get what I'm saying???  

And here we are...back to the grind and waiting for the weekend so I can go crazy with my babies.  Such is life.

Happy Monday!

 

Picture Update...

Because sometimes it's nice to see the babies in the flesh...well, via computer, but you get what I mean...

Here's a peek at what we've been up to this summer!

We took a trip to the zoo to see the Dinosaurs and feed the Giraffes!  Oh, they are so pretty!  Kind of creepy looking tongues, but they have eyelashes that don't stop!

We also celebrated my niece, Ava's, 10th birthday!  Where have the years gone??  The night before her big surprise party, we had dinner at my mom's house and captured this cute picture of all the girls...

Jax continues to be intrigued by the toilet.  He insists on wiping his privates with GOBS of toilet paper and Marley insists she wants a penis.  Oh boy!

And as many of you know...it's all about Spider-Man at our house lately.  Marley is pretty obsessed.  She had a good week at school recently so we took her to Target to pick out a new toy.  Not a surprise, here is what she chose...

I must admit...she's one of the prettiest Spider-Man's I've ever seen (aside from being smart and strong and really funny)...

Last week we met up with my sister, who has been so incredibly busy with her booming photography business.  She was able to squeeze us in for some photos of the kids.  We wandered around Linden Hills neighborhood in Minneapolis and let the kids explore.  I'm super excited about these photos because I loved the scenery and the weather was beautiful and we had a lot of fun just letting the kids be kids.  Here's the sneak peek my sister posted of my sweet boy...

And if that wasn't enough to melt your heart, here's my little lady.  This was at the end of the session and she was DONE.  My little rough and tough girl.  She's not a baby anymore.

The Severson clan is alive and well...we survived the storm that swept through Minneapolis last night, though we are STILL without power.  Jax was in awe of the hail and since it hit right at his bedtime last night, we sat by the front window and watched all the action.  Goofy boy!

 Which brings me to now!  I'm taking Friday off of work and we are hitting the PAUSE button on life.  Yes, you can do that.  We're heading to the cabin on Friday morning and are going to spend the weekend being completely lazy and engulfed in our fun little family.  Trav's parents will be in town at hospice with Jesse, so it will be just us...Travis has been working long, long, long hours.  Did I say LONG HOURS??  And he is desperately in need of a break.  Unfortunately, the only way to get him to stop is to remove him from his environment!  So, off to the cabin we go!  Our boat has been in the water since Memorial Day and we've yet to take it out.  Marley has her Spider-Man fishing pole all ready to go.  We've got meals planned that really don't involve any actual cooking...how's that for lazy???  Hey, my meals could consist of s'mores and I'd be one incredibly happy mama!  

Wishing you all a great weekend and hoping, for your sake, that your summer has been more exciting than mine!  

Until next time...

XO!

Mama Severson

 
 

Oh summer, where have you gone?  Just another couple of months zipping by.  Time disappears.  It happens all the time.  Quite the problem, actually.  I'm told...by people that have kids older than mine, that this is what happens.  That it gets worse.  The days pass even faster once the kids get older.  Life gets even crazier.  Time keeps disappearing and well, you basically NEVER find it again. 

I suppose this is where that phrase, "stop and smell the roses" would be relevant.  The roses being my sweet little babies and my husband and our (too small) home and our health and all that good stuff.  And so I'm trying to not freak out over the little things....the basement remodel being on hold for about the 100th time, the dying flower baskets hanging by my front door that I just can't keep alive for the life of me, the extreme lack of vacation time I have left for the remainder of 2013 because my little "roses" were sick non-stop for the first 4 months of the year.  As a co-worker of mine said (and her kids are grown), "Some years are good, some years are not so good.  Some days are good and some are not.  You just do what you have to do to get through it."  And it's refreshing to know that we're all challenged by this life but we push ahead and march on.  That these little things that I worry about now are rather meaningless in the big picture...because what I do have is so much GREATER.  My healthy kids, my hubby who makes me so happy and has given me the world, a house that keeps us warm and safe, an abundance of family and friends.  I think it's nice to take a deep breath....and to step back and really look at it all.  And to push aside all of those things that we think we want or need right at this moment.  To see that we have everything we need and we're heading in the right direction.

Maybe it's why I love this song so much.....and I love love Jack Johnson anyway.  But this song I SUPER LOVE.....

I got you!! 

Regardless, life is busy and my babies keep growing.  They are so much fun to be around.  Both just celebrated half birthdays (Marley was 3 1/2 on July 11th and Jax was 18 months old on June 6th).  Here's some of the latest.....

My Miss Marley.  She's OBSESSED with Spider-Man and that is a huge understatement.  We have Spider-Man jammies and boy Spider-Man undies.  She has recently requested a Spider-Man bed and a Spider-Man bike.  Oy vey!  According to Marley, she loves him because he saves people and jumps off tall buildings.  I'm ok with that as long as she doesn't go jumping off tall buildings.  Well, unless she has a parachute or something.  She's just really into the whole super hero thing and I suppose it's just another phase.  One of many.  She loves being outside, loves being in the pool, and is completely FEARLESS.  It has been really interesting to see her develop into the person she is....a little talker with a huge vocabulary.  And she always seems to NEED to tell me something when I get on the phone.  I told her the other day that if she needs to interrupt me, she needs to ask politely.  So her newest favorite thing to say is, "Ummmm.  Mama.  Excuse me.  I have a question. (while holding her hand in the air)"  She cracks me up!  If you've seen pictures of her lately, you've seen the hair!  It's growing!  And it's curly!  About time...

And my little Jaxie...aka Roni, aka Buddy, aka Brother, aka Roni-tron (as Marley calls him...or poopy butt).  A man of many names!  He's so sweet and sensitive and just oozes hugs and kisses and love.  Ack!  I just can't get enough of him!  Always getting beat up by his sister.  Just learning to fight back.  King of the pouty sad lip.  Still loves his bottle and I'm letting him keep it...so take that BabyCenter and all of your timelines for everything.  He's tall and skinny and stubborn with WHITE BLONDE hair and chocolate brown eyes.  Crazy little boy!  Wants to do EVERYTHING his sister does and that includes going potty on the potty chair, eating gum (?!), pushing babies around in mini shopping carts, and having dance parties.  Marley says, "Dance it up, buddy!"  And they're off to her bedroom to turn on the tunes and rock out.  Jax is more of a stomper than a dancer, but I suppose we have time to work on his dancing skills!

It's a happy life with these two.  So much excitement always!  Hope you all are enjoying your summer and taking time to enjoy the little things.  It's easy to get swept away by all the nonsense...I know.  But take some time to be thankful for what you DO have.

XO!
Stevie 

To Everything There Is A Season...

I’m feeling stuck somewhere between extreme sadness, wanting to burst into an uncontrollable sob and heart-melting happiness that is a result of “just being” with my babies as they do their thing.  It’s a numb feeling that sometimes overcomes me and then a simple, “here’s the pan (plan)..” from Marley that makes me stop and FEEL again.  Our lives, and everyone else’s, keep whizzing by….and it hurts me that we have to “keep living” as Trav’s brother sits in a hospital room, losing his fight against brain cancer…but what else are we to do?  Our kids are bringing us joy in a time when we otherwise wouldn’t have much to smile about. 

But we do, despite all that is going on, have so much to be happy for!  Our little miss had her 1^st day of Cub Club at Blessed Trinity today.  We’ve talked about it over the course of the last week, and we talked about her new school A LOT this weekend.  And last night, she was so excited for her BIG DAY!  I packed her a cute little lunch and set out her outfit.  Where does the time go????  She makes my heart so happy!

Today we dropped Roni off at Robin’s (side note:  my sister nicknamed Jax when he was little.  Jax-a-roni.  And then it was shortened to Roni.  For the past 8 months or so, it’s pretty much how Marley and Travis refer to him…and sometimes me.  Just goes to prove it doesn’t matter what you name your kid…they’ll get a nickname one way or another).  Marley waved good-bye to her brother and we drove to Blessed Trinity.  Did the normal check-in, paperwork, all that jazz.  Got her stuff situated in her “locker”. 

As we headed in the room and I said good-bye, she kind of hung by my side…nervous little thing.  I’m sitting here worrying about her as I type this, but I know she will have a good day!  They were going down to the art room to tie dye shirts and then outside for some fun on the playground!  4:30pm cannot come soon enough…so excited to go scoop up my little miss and hear all about her fun day!  I can't help but think of how fast time is moving.  This seems like yesterday...

And it just goes to show…life really does go on.  Amidst all the sadness and heartbreak, life continues.  Our kids keep growing and infusing our lives with unconditional love.  Thank God for them.  They are the bright lights in our otherwise dreary place right now. 

Wishing you all a fabulous week and fingers crossed we get some sunshine!  I need it!!

XO!

Stevie