So, here I am...a tinch over 41 weeks. I cannot even believe I just wrote those words. 41 weeks!!! On one hand, I'm mad at myself for obsessing over due dates, which are meaningless and do nothing but force women into fixating on a particular day in time, a day that in no scientific way can be pinned down. And that day comes and goes for so many of us...which in turn causes us to obsess over when the baby is going to be born, over every new sign and symptom, literally watching the hours tick by. I'm not going to lie, each time I stand up, whether it's getting out of bed or getting up off the couch, I'm secretly hoping there is a gush of water...because then I will know, yes, the baby is coming!!! Exhausting to say the least!
As many of you may know from having read my blog, I was desperately wanting to VBAC with baby #2. I really, really, really wanted to experience actually "birthing" my baby vs. having another c-section....the thrill of the pain, the pushing, the BRAND NEW baby laying on my chest. I wanted to experience that. And my hopes of doing so are getting lower and lower by the minute. At each of my last 4 weekly doctor appointments I was not dilated at all. My appointment 3 days ago was no different, only this time, since I was coming up on being a week overdue, we had to really discuss what that meant for me. In my particular situation, being that I'm trying to VBAC, there really is NOTHING they can do to induce labor unless I am dilated. So, in order to be induced (membranes stripped, water broken, pitocin given, etc), I need to at least be dilated to a 1 or 2. They cannot use Cervidil (which would help me dilate) on a VBAC patient as it has been shown to quadruple the rate of uterine rupture. That being said....tomorrow is a big day. IF I do not go into labor tonight (doubtful), I'll head to my appointment at 11am and first stop is ultrasound. They are going to check the levels of amniotic fluid, monitor baby's movements, estimate his size, and take a peek at the placenta. After the ultrasound, I'll head up to my OB's office for a non stress test, where they'll hook me and baby up to the labor/delivery heart rate monitor to see how he's doing. Both the ultrasound and the non stress test will help to determine how urgently baby needs to come out. In all reality, there are 2 outcomes...
1. If I am dilated tomorrow, my OB will check me in to the hospital either that night or Tuesday morning and she'll break my water (the safest way to induce a VBAC patient).
2. If I'm not dilated, we'll be scheduling a c-section, for either that night (if there is a concern about baby's well-being based on the tests) or for Tuesday.
In my eyes, the likelihood of a repeat c-section seems definite. I just have very little hope that labor will begin, or that I'll be dilated tomorrow (I'm being a negative Nancy, I know). And on one hand, I'm saddened by this...........like I said, I so wanted to avoid the repeat c-section route and felt very positive about my chances at being successful in delivering this little guy. On the other hand, I selfishly think I should have just scheduled the c-section, as I would have had my son 3 weeks ago already, and I wouldn't have had to go through all of this torturous waiting. I've already had 1 c-section, and throughout this entire pregnancy, I've always told myself that whatever happens, happens. I didn't feel any less connected to Marley because she was born via c-section, we had no troubles nursing, she's healthy as a horse.............but I wanted to experience birth the other way too. To not be drugged and groggy, to not have the incision in my stomach, to not have to wait 45 minutes until I held her...
And that's my story. People have been wondering when baby is coming...and that is about all I know! I guess on the bright side of things, I will be meeting him very soon, one way or another!! I had a mini sob-fest last night because I just want to see him so very badly!! And Travis keeps trying to tell me that we'll meet him in a matter of days, and since this is likely our last child, I should enjoy the last few moments of being pregnant (he knows that eventually I will miss it again...........but for now, I'm all complainer)! I do need to put it into perspective, but it's easier said than done.
In related news, we couldn't be more ready for the little guys arrival. I did not work at all last week. Never thought I would start maternity leave BEFORE having a baby, but with the way Thanksgiving fell, and my due date, it worked out perfectly. Of course, it would have been nice to have baby mid-week last week...instead I had the whole week off and in between WAITING, I accomplished a lot of things that I wouldn't have had I been working. I took naps, we got the house decorated, spent LOTS of quality time with Travis and Marley, and my house is more clean than it has been in a long time. I organized cupcoards, cleaned out drawers, worked on craft projects that had been sitting around for WAY TOO LONG.....it was a very productive week and I needed it. And it was nice, being that I've been uncomfortable, to be in the comfort of my own home...away from work, from traffic, from the hustle and bustle that is everyday life. I made coffee at home, picked Marley up early from daycare, knocked off some of our Christmas shopping.......overall, a great week!!
This morning I had the pleasure of hanging out with Angie, Marley's godmother and one of my dear friends...she was so sweet to treat me to a pedicure as she knows I'm at the end of my rope and thought it would perk me up a bit, which it did!! Plus, she knew that the last pedicure I had was about 3 weeks ago, when I was "sure" the baby would arrive any day! So now I have pretty, sparkly red toes.........all ready for a hospital stay!! Thank you, Angie!! Love you to pieces!!
While I was off getting pampered, Travis took Marley to run some work related errands. He bundled her up, snowboots and all, and off they went in his big van. She was so happy to be heading out with Daddy for the day....his little side-kick! When they returned, I had just gotten home and Marley was all tuckered out from her morning of "work"......eating donuts and dancing and silly face-making with dada. It's funny how alike the two of them are! She makes all of his funny facial expressions and is just a little ham!!
A few camera picks taken over the last week or two, just to show you what we've been up too! Hopefully the next blog post will be to show off pictures of baby Jax! Can't wait for the world to meet him!
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| Marley's stocking...I almost have it finished!! The ivory silk flower was in my hair on our wedding day and her first pair of Joyfolie shoes will hang from the hanging loop with ribbon! |
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| Sasha's ornament for 2011 |
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| Little lady can't keep her hands off the tree :) |
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| Marley's ornament that she made at daycare!! She is so proud of this one...she even picked out where she wanted it to hang on our tree! |
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| The tree!!!! |
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| 40 Weeks and my best sad face!! |
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| 41 Weeks.........it's about time! |
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| Can't believe this pretty girl is almost 4 years old (in February)!! |
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| Silly I know, but I got these boots for my birthday from Trav and I am just in love with them.....I was so happy that it snowed in the last 2 days because I got to bust them out!! Love, love, love big ol' clunky, practical, warm, waterproof snow boots!!! |
Hope you all had a fabulous weekend!!!
XOXO!!
